Sometimes I find myself thinking about ways in which my boyfriend might cheat on me. We live together and if he goes out with his friends I sometimes call to see if I can hear a girl's voice in the background.When he goes for lunch at work I wonder if he meets up with someone or if he comes home more than 30 minutes late I worry myself sick and I ask 20 questions just to see if I can tell if he is lying. I get so worked up that I get stomach pains and vomit.I've never caught him doing anything but ever since we got together I have just got it into my head that he was going to 'play games'.
I wonder if my past is making me think this way or what I've seen my parents do to each other. I asked him last night if he really loves me. Of course he said yes but I just sit and think well does he really?He does everything for me and he is so nice; How do I get over this fear in my heart and in my mind?I also tried to trick him by saying that someone told me things that never really happened but obviously this did not work.
I really love him – and hoping he feels the same way and I couldn't ask for a more considerate partner. I really feel he's my soul mate..
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Pictures To Cherish and Keep as Memories...
JOSHEN, KuDip's Drinking SIFU....
ME
KUDIP at UMAI restaurant
ME, and KUDIP's Niece, JANE-JANE
Pictures taken at BB CaFE, Tanjung Aru Beach 1
Me and me and me again at KUDIP's Home
Kudip with his Kitty Cat, Frans..
Gong xi Fa Cai at Miming's House...
semua muka taik JUDI.... 
Friday, April 4, 2008
Lack of Self-Esteem???
Some people spend all their whole lives refusing to face an emptiness within them, a void that communicates an arching sense of wrongness and shame about themselves.
They may try to cover the pain with material success and accomplishments, or numb it with unhealthy behaviour or turn to others to fill up this "hole in the soul" as some people may call it.
Everyone said to me that i am lack of self-esteem.
What really self-esteem mean?
Self-esteem is more than feeling self-confident or spouting positive affirmations. It goes to the heart of person's identity, conveying the belief that we are acceptable, respected, and loved ad the person we are--with all our feelings and sensations and even imperfections.
They may try to cover the pain with material success and accomplishments, or numb it with unhealthy behaviour or turn to others to fill up this "hole in the soul" as some people may call it.
Everyone said to me that i am lack of self-esteem.
What really self-esteem mean?
Self-esteem is more than feeling self-confident or spouting positive affirmations. It goes to the heart of person's identity, conveying the belief that we are acceptable, respected, and loved ad the person we are--with all our feelings and sensations and even imperfections.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Keeping life Simple
Life is a complicated affair. Too much to do; too little time. Too many demands; too few resources. Too much commotion and busy-ness; too little peace and quite. Choosing to reduce life to its essence and keep it simple (or, at least, simpler). The fruits of this choice (and really it is hundreds of little choices rather than one big one) are substantial:
a) By living more simply,we free uo our ovetaxed personal resources--our minds, our emotions, our spirits--from anxiety.
b) By living more simply, we free up some of our world's relentlessly overtaxed nayural resources.
c) By living more simply, we shorten our list of "STUFF" to care about, which gives us the chance to care more about what (and whom) is left.
d) By living more simply, we open up our hearts to receive and be the one with our "Supernatural Resources", our GOD who loves us and wants--very simply--only our good.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I REMEMBER
OOOhh yeah oh yeah
Oooh, remember
Oooohh remember, don't wanna know
Where were you, when I said I loved you?
And where were you, when I cried at night?
Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you
Thinking of, all the times we shared
I remember when my heart broke
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you
I was sad and lonely
I remember when I walked out
I remember when I screamed I hated you
But somehow deep inside, still loving you, sad and lonely
No one knew, all the pain I went through
All the love, I saved deep in my heart for you
DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WOULD GO, WHERE I WOULD BE
But you made me leave,
and plus my heart it just
It just kept telling me so
I remember when my heart broke
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you,
I was sad and lonely
I remember when I walked out
I remember when I said I hated you
But somehow deep inside, still loving you, so sad and lonely
There was nowhere else to go, oh
Nobody else, to turn to, no
For the rest of my life,
I promise myself I
Will love me first
GENUINELY
I remember when my heart broke
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you
I was sad and lonely
I remember when I walked out
I remember when I said I hated you
But somehow deep inside, still loving you, sad and lonely
I remember when I walked out
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you
so sad and lonely
I remember when I stormed out
I remember when I gave up loving you,
I was sad and lonely
Why are people doing what they are doing??????
One of the questions I often hear when talking to people who are in the midst of a relationship crisis, is that they don’t understand why their estranged partner is doing what they are doing. They thought that they knew their partner and “suddenly” their partner is acting strangely. Why is that?
When you look at the situation from the outside and having a bit of experience with several of such situations, the picture becomes a bit clearer. It becomes clear that we generally speaking don’t know our partners as well as we ought to have, and that when the loving wanes, we begin to see sides of our partners that we haven’t seen much of before. And similarly our partners probably begin to see sides of us that they haven’t seen much of before. And that is because we act according to what is going on around us, and doing what works for us or at least what we think works for us.
When you think about it, everybody is doing what works for them at least on some level, and depending on previous experiences different approaches are taken, but the motivation is the same. What works for people, is not necessarily the best thing for them in the long run, but can be to satisfy an instant craving or a short-term solution. Think of a situation where you are walking by a baker’s shop, you know that eating pastry is bad for your waistline and you have decided to go on a diet, but even though you know it’s a bad choice, you find yourself entering the shop and buying some pastry, because it makes you feel good at the moment, and you then have to deal with the “guilt” later on…
The same happens in relationships when one partner isn’t feeling satisfied, they start to find ways to make the relationship work and more than often the “solutions” employed aren’t based on prior knowledge of how to solve relationship problems, and thus often are ineffective. And after a while trying to solve the problems without success one gives up and starts looking for ways to get out of the dysfunctional relationship. And this is when the other partner usually receives the relationship bomb – the I love you, but I’m not in love with you!
But still both partners are still within their respective frames of reality and is doing what they’re doing because at some level it works for them, but it is often not working to heal the relationship, in fact many of the things both partners will do from this moment will not work for the relationship at all, and many will not work for their own long-term goals either. But it works here and now, even if it is just a poor bandage on an open wound.
When you look at the situation from the outside and having a bit of experience with several of such situations, the picture becomes a bit clearer. It becomes clear that we generally speaking don’t know our partners as well as we ought to have, and that when the loving wanes, we begin to see sides of our partners that we haven’t seen much of before. And similarly our partners probably begin to see sides of us that they haven’t seen much of before. And that is because we act according to what is going on around us, and doing what works for us or at least what we think works for us.
When you think about it, everybody is doing what works for them at least on some level, and depending on previous experiences different approaches are taken, but the motivation is the same. What works for people, is not necessarily the best thing for them in the long run, but can be to satisfy an instant craving or a short-term solution. Think of a situation where you are walking by a baker’s shop, you know that eating pastry is bad for your waistline and you have decided to go on a diet, but even though you know it’s a bad choice, you find yourself entering the shop and buying some pastry, because it makes you feel good at the moment, and you then have to deal with the “guilt” later on…
The same happens in relationships when one partner isn’t feeling satisfied, they start to find ways to make the relationship work and more than often the “solutions” employed aren’t based on prior knowledge of how to solve relationship problems, and thus often are ineffective. And after a while trying to solve the problems without success one gives up and starts looking for ways to get out of the dysfunctional relationship. And this is when the other partner usually receives the relationship bomb – the I love you, but I’m not in love with you!
But still both partners are still within their respective frames of reality and is doing what they’re doing because at some level it works for them, but it is often not working to heal the relationship, in fact many of the things both partners will do from this moment will not work for the relationship at all, and many will not work for their own long-term goals either. But it works here and now, even if it is just a poor bandage on an open wound.
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